Musings From Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

In reviewing my blogs and/or vlogs from years gone by, I have noticed how far I seem to have careened down a slippery slope. I don't know why it never occurred to me before; maybe I just didn't want to see it. I keep thinking about those lyrics from a song that was made popular by the movie "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: "What do you see/You people gazing at me/Turning around on this music box that's wound by a key". Sometimes I feel as if I am drowning in the middle of an ocean. I try to keep busy, to reach out but some days that is easier said than done. I don't want anyone else to ever feel this way if at all possible. You can always email me, or message me here. I just know how important it is to have someone say they are here for you, no matter how far away they seem at the time

Geek Wisdom: CROATIA KICKS IRISH ASS!

LOVE IS LOUDER

I just changed mt photo for Facebook and YouTube. I tend to photograph myself because then I can get it to look exactly as I want. My pic was still fairly new but then one of my dear FB friends posed the question to her FB peeps as to whether the pics they use for their profile were real or just a bunch of crap. Immediately I thought, my pic is true. Well, true enough. Sort of. I was no longer satisfied with the pic I was using. So I decided to make a change.

I put my fave ball cap on, and wrote three words on my palms. They say LOVE IS LOUDER and there is a heart under the last word. I hope people realize that I am not trying to ram anything down their throats, but I want to speak up not only for myself, but for those who cannot or are simply afraid to speak out for themselves. So if you are wondering what sentiment I am trying to convey, I will try to break it down for you.

Love is louder than hate. Love is louder than all the words that can make someone fear for their life. Love is louder than the people who refuse to accept (family/friends) that theirs is not the only love that should be recognized. Love is the loudest thing there is.

I heard a quotation recently in a documentary that can say it better than I can. "Nature delights in diversity. Why can't people?" Indeed.

I COULD NEVER BE YOUR WOMAN

I seem to be getting the same remarks over and over again in my YT videos. The comments have nothing to do with the actual video, though. The comments basically question whether I am a man or a woman. So I have a few points to make about these types of comments:

- if this is seriously the only comments these people can think of making, my video must be totally kick-ass
- it is none of your business whether I identify as a man or woman, unless we are sexual partners
- my videos have nothing to do with my gender; if you are looking for videos about someone's gender, I suggest you do a better job when you do your "search"
- why should I care what you think of me? I have friends who see my videos and totally enjoy them; they are the ones whose opinions count for me ultimately

Those are my points. And I still never answered your question as to my gender. Sucks, don't it?

MY 7TH "LIVE"-IVERSARY AND COUNTING!

I have been married before. When I was 18, I married AJ's father, but that didn't last. I have dated and co-habitated with other people since that time but, for a multitude of reasons, those relationships did not work out either.

I met Adam at a factory where we were both employees. He caught my eye right away. That was 1996, and AJ was still an infant. When I finally left AJ's dad, Adam let me come home with him while I saved money for first and last for my own place. Over the years he and I were kind of on-again, off-again. I was away for a couple of years, and it didn't take too long for us to start seeing each other once I returned. That was 2004. We finally found a place together in April 2005, and have been together ever since.

Since we are not married, we don't have what you would call an anniversary. We came up with the idea to celebrate our original moving-in date, which was April 1st. So this has become our "live"-iversary. But we love each other so much and are very affectionate every day, it feels like a "live"-iversary every day. I know that sounds corny, but it's 100% true. My heart is with him, and my home is with him. I feel lucky every day of my life with him. That's the way it should be for everyone.

WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN?

When I was in my twenties many moons ago, I used to have people think I was younger than I am. I remember working at a store when I was 29 years old, and one of the regulars asked me if I am going back to high school in the fall, or am I starting university. When I told him how old I was, he did not believe it. I actually had to show this guy some ID so that he could see what age I am. Even after that, he didn't seem totally convinced. And when I told people about that, they thought I should be thrilled. But I was still young enough that having someone guess that I was ten years younger didn't really impress me at all.

A couple of days ago, I was at a cruddy little mall, and I was waiting just inside the door for Adam while he checked the magazine store for something. There was an older gentleman waiting next to me, and we were talking about how crazy and unpredictable the weather has been. Then he asked me if I go to school, so I said no - I am 37 years old. He was surprised when I told him how old I was, because he thought I was around 20-22 years old. Fifteen years younger, people! So I smiled and thanked him. I was genuinely flattered this time. I guess I have reached that age where being thought of as younger is some huge accomplishment.

If I could pass along any tips or tricks to look younger, I have two words for you - suntan lotion. It works better than any other cream I have tried. I think genes plays a big role in it as well. On one side of the family, my cousins look decent, but they definitely look their age. On the other side, though, we are all young looking. Never thought I would see the day that I would be grateful for my family of origin and the smooth skin we have.

Try the suntan lotion, though. You have nothing to lose.

WORDS FOR AN IMMATURE PERSON

Today was my AJ's 16th birthday, and you missed it. I know a lot has happened in the past while between us, but why take it out on a loving, witty and brilliant kid? None of this was his fault. No card, no call, nothing. Not even an email to Adam to pass along your well-wishes.

Remember last year when you came over while AJ was there, and we played board games and ate cake? There was so much laughter and a genuinely good feeling all around. It didn't matter that you were not in a position to go on a spree, getting stuff for AJ; your love and your company was enough. And as you were leaving, AJ and I threw our arms around you in a bear hug. You caught my eye, and you smiled. That was a good day.

Thing is, today was not the same. AJ and I sat around and watched movies and ate the white Sobey's cake with unbelievable icing. I think he had an okay day. But I also think he picked up on the fact that I was very sad. For those of you who know me better, you will know that I lose friends and family like it's a bodily function. But why does that mean you can't be there, even in a remote way? It's not his fault that I keep losing people.

It's sad that he had to pay for whatever my sins were in our friendship. He still considers you a grandma, you know. How am I supposed to explain why you are MIA? I can't, and I shouldn't have to. You need to get off your damn pity pot and tell him why his 16th birthday isn't important enough to make an effort.

Live and learn, I guess. Guess what I learned today while AJ and I were eating cake alone? To put it simply:

YOU SUCK, AND I AM NOT ALL THAT SAD ABOUT MISSING YOU ANYMORE IF THIS IS THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE GOING TO BE.

Oh, and one more thing...GROW THE HELL UP.